Sylvester Stallone has been declining offers from woke companies lately, with the most recent being a $25 million bid from Target. This highlights the extent to which left-leaning entities try to sway beloved celebrities to their side.
“I’m not sure who labeled Sly as woke,” stated his manager, Joe Barron, “but they got it completely wrong. He’s a proud American who famously portrayed one of the most patriotic characters in our nation’s history: John Rambo.”
Barron also highlighted Stallone’s acts of environmental stewardship, such as saving two turtles in the original Rocky movie and a heartwarming story involving his dog. Stallone’s stance against wokeness carries weight given his status as a national treasure.
Stallone joins Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, and, according to some SpaceX enthusiasts, Angelina Jolie, in rejecting the entire ideology of wokeness.
However, Tara Newhole, an entertainment journalist from ALLOD Entertainment, suggests that the story’s accuracy may be questionable, if it even exists at all. “This one has me puzzled,” she commented, “It’s almost like a parody of itself, reminiscent of the South Park episode where they poke fun at Family Guy.”
Newhole might be onto something. In the quest for more content, it’s time to adopt a strategy akin to SpaceX Dude and recount the same story in four hundred unique ways.
“That’s precisely what I’d do,” commented Stephen King, “And you should absolutely use me again.” Rest assured, Mr. King, we’ll certainly take your advice. God bless America.