“The reports are true. Michael Jordan said no to a 30-second Super Bowl commercial worth $100 million because he refuses to work with LeBron James. According to our source inside the LA Lakers organization, the team was asked by Ferrari to waive their right to LeBron’s image and name so they could use him. The same request went out to Nike for Jordan. ‘Jordan straight up said no,’ said Nike Vice President of Public Relations Joe Barron. ‘There was no way he was gonna spend any time on a set with LeBron. He calls the guy a crybaby 11 times a day on average.’ ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole was unable to find independent corroboration of the rumor, which means what we have here, patriots…is an exclusive. That’s right, my fellow Americans. You heard it first here at The Dunning-Kruger Times, where every story will either reward the people you admire or punish those you don’t. Fortunately, without the need for all of that ‘research’ when we quote a source, we can bring you the truth in ways other publications only dream of.”
“Neither Jordan nor James was available for comment, but their spokesman, Joe Barron, who somehow works for both of them, said we should stop calling there before they file harassment charges. The truth shall set you free, patriots. God Bless America.”