Breaking news, patriots! Kevin Costner has made it official: he’s cast his favorite actress, Roseanne Barr, in a $30 million leading role for his upcoming project. Costner himself confirmed the deal in an exclusive interview.
“Yeah, I brought her on board,” stated the Dances with Wolves star. “There’s no one else who could do justice to the role like her. I crafted it specifically with her in mind.”
Costner describes the role as a bitter old hag reminiscent of the matriarch from “Throw Momma from the Train.” He believes Roseanne is uniquely qualified for the part, emphasizing her ability to embody the character’s traits. “She doesn’t really have any lines,” Costner explained, “she just grunts angrily and exudes an aura of superiority, despite having lost touch with anything meaningful due to her misguided affection for unsavory individuals.”
It seems Roseanne is a perfect fit for the role. We attempted to reach out to her for comment but have yet to receive a response. However, Costner plans to assemble an ensemble cast willing to work alongside her, making the casting process quite selective. Notable names like Baio and Carano have been mentioned, with rumors swirling that Tim Allen might offer distant consultation to remind everyone that his political views shouldn’t overshadow his beloved on-screen personas.
This upcoming project promises to be an entertaining ride for audiences. Keep an eye out for it in theaters, likely following the premiere of Roseanne’s new show on NBC, Fox, or whichever network you’ve just read about. Here’s to Roseanne, Kevin Costner, the forgotten Hercules guy (because Scott Baio got a mention), Tim Allen, and, of course, America.
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