Beyoncé Knowles has set her sights on conquering the realm of country music, despite already boasting more Grammy Awards than any other artist. However, her aspirations have hit a snag as the Academy of Country Music (ACM) has denied her membership request.
ACM Executive Director Joe Barron expressed surprise at Beyoncé’s endeavor, stating, “Honestly, we thought she was joking.” While acknowledging her foray into the genre with a country-sounding song and plans for an album, the ACM emphasized that mere musical stylings do not grant automatic inclusion into their ranks.
Beyoncé’s Texan roots and genuine admiration for country music failed to sway the ACM’s decision. Barron remarked, “She should have thought of that before she made all the poop music and woke crap.” Additionally, the ACM revealed plans to revoke Garth Brooks’ membership at the end of the fiscal year.
Without ACM membership, Beyoncé will be ineligible for ACM Music Awards and unlikely to perform at iconic venues such as the Grand Ole Opry. Furthermore, she will miss out on perks like attending members’ nights at Kid Rock’s Nashville Honkytonk or enjoying discounts at Golden Corral and early access to the Bass Pro Shop’s annual gun safe sale.
“It’s a crushing blow to her country aspirations,” lamented a local named Lou, while hanging out at a 7-11 in Galveston. “Without the ACM award, she might not solidify her status as one of the biggest names in music history.”
Despite Lou’s somewhat simplistic perspective, we expressed our gratitude with a pack of Winstons and a bag of Fireball nips. Indeed, God Bless America.