The entire offensive line of the New York Jets has declared that they will quit the team if the front office signs Colin Kaepernick. Left Guard Joe Barron stated, “We’re not taking orders from that guy. He’s not worth protecting.” Right Tackle William Vanden Boom confirmed that the entire front five, along with the Tight End in short-yardage and goal-line situations, will walk away if Kaepernick is signed.
Kaepernick’s potential return to the league is bound to be controversial, and any team signing him can expect similar resistance. Last year, a fictionalized version of the Oakland Raiders faced a similar situation when they considered Kaepernick for a tryout, resulting in half the team threatening to quit, as humorously depicted in an article much like this one.
In the meantime, Kaepernick has patiently waited for an opportunity, leading to speculations about unconventional methods like voodoo on Aaron Rodgers’ Achilles tendon, perhaps wielding a +2 dagger of invisibility.
Kaepernick swiftly dismissed the accusation as “ludicrous,” clarifying to ALLOD Sports Analyst Tara Newhole that daggers are designed for stabbing, not slashing. He further joked that had his level 34 Paladin, Manx the Demon Slayer, been present, “Aaron probably wouldn’t have survived.”
Such remarks seem to be part of the routine for the controversial figure. Nevertheless, Kaepernick’s ban from nearly every stadium in the country suggests a deeper divide. God Bless America.