You might have witnessed the debacle that unfolded at The Academy Awards, where John Cena, a figure who purportedly champions children’s causes, found himself in a humiliating spotlight on the world stage.

But you’re not alone. The decision-makers behind the ad campaigns that sustain Cena’s career were also among the viewers, and their reaction was far from favorable.

“We transitioned from having a revered actor and wrestling icon to embracing another figure aligned with the ‘woke’ ideology,” remarked Under Armour President Joe Barron. “As a result, we won’t be extending his contract. This decision alone will cost Cena over $10 million annually. When combined with the other four companies severing ties with him, the consequences are substantial for tarnishing what is traditionally a family-oriented event.”

ALLOD Entertainment Correspondent Tara Newhole noted that while the Oscars’ atmosphere wasn’t as electrifying as in past years, incidents like Cena’s added a layer of disappointment.

“You sent me to the Days Inn down the street and claimed the Oscars were there, Flagg,” Newhole grumbled inadvertently on a hot mic. “So I ordered a chicken finger basket and went along with your nonsense. Because whatever.”

It appears that after all this time, Tara is finally grasping why America’s Last Line of Defense generates some of the most popular content online: It just needs to ring true at the Days Inn down the street. God Bless America.

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