Kevin Costner rejects a $30 million movie deal, citing his refusal to collaborate with Rob Reiner.


Shortly after Kevin Costner announced his departure from “Yellowstone,” his phone began ringing incessantly. “It was pretty overwhelming,” the star confided to our reporter. “I expected offers, but I never imagined they’d come pouring in so quickly.”

The most lucrative offer presented was a leading role in a Rob Reiner film, yet Costner promptly declined. “I won’t work with Reiner,” he asserted. “All that Harvey Weinstein and Epstein Island stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.”

Reporter Tara Newhole remarked that the line sounded even better when she asked Costner to repeat it in character as the head of the Dutton family. “If he had added ‘you son of a bitch’ to the end, it would have been a real fangirl moment for me,” she added.

It’s reassuring to see that Costner maintains his morals and values intact, despite his association with Piper Perabo. While she may have been charming in Coyote Ugly, as an aging activist with an attitude problem, she didn’t quite measure up.

“I loved her,” said Newhole, “and I think you’re a tad petty for siding with Beth, given your own politics, sir.”

Regardless, which is now officially recognized as a word due to modern sensibilities, Costner mentioned he might actually ask her out now that his child support has reached just over $63,000 per month. “She seems like a cheap date,” he joked to a friend.

Unfortunately, Piper Perabo was unavailable for comment.

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